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Post Traumatic Growth
Trauma changes people.
For someone who just wants life to return to “the way it was,” this can be difficult to accept.
But in some cases, people have not only been able to bounce back following trauma, they’ve also been able to experience growth.
In the video below, researcher and author Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD offers her insights into what contributes to post-traumatic growth.
Five Characteristics of Post Traumatic Growth
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First Characteristic:
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Spiritual Growth
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(not necessarily religious)
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a personal journey toward self-awareness, purpose, and a sense of connection to something larger than oneself
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Second Characteristic:
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A deeper appreciation of Life
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Third Characteristic:
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Seeing New Possibilities in life
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Fourth Characteristic:
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Development of personal strength
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Fifth Characteristic:
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Forming deeper relationships with others
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Memorial Scars
I am a survivor of severe child abuse, and I work with others who have experienced domestic and sexual violence, as well as other traumas. In relation to the question mentioned in the first video, I have often found a reluctance, both within myself and among those I work with, to let go of our trauma and move on. This hesitation stems from a feeling that to "forget" would be obscene. Letting go can seem dismissive of what we went through, as if it negates our experiences and absolves our abusers of responsibility.
Despite all the logical reasoning, I struggled with the need to validate my suffering by not trivializing it through letting go. Eventually, I realized that it was possible to remember what had happened without keeping the wound wide open and raw. I just needed a healed scar to signify my past experiences. For instance, when I was 16, I had my appendix removed, leaving a light scar. This scar acknowledges my surgery but doesn't bring me pain; it’s neither open nor bleeding, and it doesn't cause me any difficulty. After my surgery, I didn’t poke at the incision to prevent it from healing; instead, I worked to help it heal.
One day, I looked at my scar and understood that I didn’t need an open, bleeding psychological wound to memorialize my suffering. I only needed a small scar of some kind. So, I allowed myself to heal completely and found meaningful ways to memorialize my past—through poetry that expressed both the darkness I had experienced and the light I eventually found.
When I work with clients facing similar struggles, I explain the difference between wounds and scars. I help them create a way to memorialize their suffering that allows their wounds to heal. Society often does this for major events—like deaths, mass shootings, or the Holocaust. However, for individuals who have suffered in silence and obscurity, there are often no memorials or acknowledgments of their experiences. So, I assist them in creating one.
If you need help creating your own memorial, I am here for you. What you went through has meaning and has changed you, but you don’t have to continue suffering.